Every home has a moment where roles shift. How did you make the decision to take on the role of primary caregiver for your mother-in-law, and what was that initial transition like for your family?

I remember the day my wife approached me about wanting to move her mom in with us. I was not for it at all. I was terrified of what it would do to our home and life. It was quite some time before I came to grips with the reality of the situation. That moment was when I got so frustrated and upset that I told my wife she would have to pick one of us to move out — either her mom or me. I stormed off and called a brother in Christ of mine to vent. He told me, in his own special way, that I was wrong and I needed to beg her for forgiveness. I realized I had said things I could never take back. God was telling me that I was not in control, and I needed to surrender that idea and become part of the solution — not make things worse. I started then focusing on becoming the best caregiver I could be for her.

Frontotemporal Dementia brings very distinct challenges compared to other forms of dementia — often affecting personality and behavior early on. What were some of the biggest adjustments you had to make after her diagnosis?

Early on, it was the constant humming. She would hum some tune all day long, even at the dinner table while she was eating. Then came the word repetition. First it was "holy moly roly," all day, every day. Then one day it changed to just "holy holy holy." And then finally to "heavy heavy heavy." But in all that, the biggest adjustment was learning to communicate with her as she was losing the ability to talk in normal sentences. She couldn't tell us that she was sick or what was hurting. You learn to look at body language and figure her out really quick.

Male caregivers, especially for in-laws, navigate a unique dynamic. How do you and your wife work together as a team, set boundaries, and keep your home grounded while caring for her mom?

We understand that we are in this together. When my wife is having a bad day, I fill the role. If I am having a bad day, she will step up. We try to ensure we keep time for ourselves as a married couple. Many times that's doing what we need to do later in the evening, after Granny is in bed. Even just sitting at the table and having a conversation.

Since this is "Heart of the Home," how have you modified or adapted your physical home to make it a safe, peaceful space for Granny as her needs change?

First thing I did was add an alarm system with monitored smoke detectors. Then I added locks to interior doors where we did not want Granny to wander in and possibly get something that could hurt her. We also added a camera system inside and out. And we now try to limit visitors, as she tends to get overwhelmed easily as the disease has progressed.

Caregiving often revolves around daily rhythms. What does a smooth day look like in your home, and what routines make the biggest difference for both you and Granny?

Everything is about routine with Granny. But as the disease has progressed, those routines have changed or been adjusted. A smooth day is simply a day without sundowning, or Granny possibly hurting herself. And sleeping all night!

FTD can change how someone communicates. How have you learned to connect, share a laugh, or find small moments of joy with Granny when traditional conversation is tough?

With Granny, there hasn't been a real conversation for months now. She is very limited in her speech, mostly to the word "heavy" and an occasional "I love you." I read her body language as she's speaking and try to assume I know what she's saying, so I go along with it and say "yes ma'am" or "that sounds good" — things that do not upset her. And when all else fails, I simply tell her that I love her. She will normally smile and say it back to me.

You share your real, behind-the-scenes life under "Taking Care of Granny." What made you want to start sharing your journey with the world, and how has the online caregiver community impacted you?

It started by me simply using TikTok as an outlet. I felt like nobody understood my frustrations and what we were going through. Boy, was I wrong. It turned into something that I realized was not only helping my household, but others as well — giving them the courage to open up. The caregiving community has taught us so much. People think I do not read the comments, but I do. And the encouraging messages I get are what it's all about.

Caregiver burnout is a very real thing, and patience gets tested. When you hit a tough day or a difficult behavioral patch, how do you reset and give yourself grace?

I found going to the gym helps me a good bit. I started having anxiety and panic attacks from the long-term effects of caregiving. I must admit that prescribed meds have helped as well. But when I am in that moment of not having a good headspace, my wife recognizes it and steps in immediately. I walk away and try to reset, and tell myself that it's okay — to not get angry with Granny. It is not her fault. It's the disease. And to be angry at it, but still show Granny the love and compassion she deserves.

It's easy for caregiving to take over every aspect of life. How do you make time for yourself and make sure you're not losing your own identity in the process?

Respite. I realize not everyone can do it or can afford to do it. We are very blessed in the fact that we can take time away. That is why I started the nonprofit — to find ways to help caregivers and provide respite.

At EnhDme, we supply caregivers with the tools that make life easier — what are items you recommend for new caregivers starting their journey?

First, contact an elder attorney. They will help guide you all the way through the process, and will help you with getting hospice assistance and Medicaid. Second, find a resource group — doesn't matter if it's in person or online. They will help you in ways you cannot imagine. Lastly, I recommend the book Confidence to Care by Molly Carpenter.