Caregiving and Cocktails with Jules

I have always been into mixology since I was in my early 20s. When I got back home from Phoenix, I wanted to create a ritual for myself after the house got quiet. I would make sure my husband and my daughter were down for the night and head downstairs, play some music in my headphones, and start to mix various drinks together and allow myself to be creative once again.

Yes! I simply wanted to document the wild world of caregiving as a way to process all of this. There were plenty of times I wanted to talk but didn’t want to talk to anyone specifically. So I just set up my camera during my evening cocktail ritual and just started talking. The editing process is really great for me — it is a way to share my humor, personality, and validate my own feelings. And the rest is history.

It has been HARD. The biggest emotion I have been experiencing is loneliness. When I spent 5 weeks in Phoenix for his in-patient recovery, I was literally alone in an Airbnb — in a city I didn’t know, trying to balance the magnitude of his surgery and motherhood from states away. My husband is my person. We have spent 14 years together, laughing, eating, joking, becoming parents, just did life together. And to have that person different at all is hard.

This is the one area that I am digging. He isn’t in chronic pain anymore post-surgery so he is SO MUCH LESS CRANKY AND IS WAY NICER. His post-surgery inpatient rehab was HILARIOUS — he said every single thought out loud. Did absolutely every nurse and therapist enjoy him? YES. He used to call the front desk nurses just to chat. He didn’t need a single thing, just wanted to have a conversation.

I think my first TikTok video I said “make sure you read the fine print when you get married.” Partially to be funny but largely to raise awareness about the reality of marriage. For me, my definition of love hasn’t changed; I have and will always love Cord unconditionally. That is my best friend so of course I am going to be there every single step of this journey.

Though I feel as if I have a leg up on the average person as a result of being a middle school principal, this honestly has been A LOT. I manage by being creative. Between pole dancing, TikTok, and all of my crafts and cocktail making, I give myself little windows of time to do things that don’t require me to make a decision. Decision fatigue is REAL.

The one thing I miss most is Cord’s voice. He sounds completely different now and unless I watch old videos, I don’t really remember what it sounds like. And I really, really miss that.

Finances. I am managing all finances for the household — State Disability, my own salary, my daughter’s tuition, our mortgage, all of it. I am also managing all of the medical bills very quietly in the background because I want my husband to only focus on recovering.

Simply provide normalcy. Just talk about normal stuff — work and family, a funny TikTok, a new cocktail recipe. It can be anything, just needs to be something normal.

HUGE WIN: he is practically pain-free. That is BEYOND enormous. He used to be in so much pain he wasn’t able to go to work. I feel like I have my husband back and that feels amazing. He has truly taken this time during recovery to do a lot of inside work and he is blossoming into a deeply compassionate, empathetic and optimistic human and I am so happy to be here for this part of the journey.