Jeanette's Story
Jeanette YatesFrom Guilt to Good Enough
Every family caregiver we meet through this series teaches us something different about what it means to show up. Jeanette became a caregiver as a child and has spent more than four decades caring for her mom since. Today she's turned that lifetime of experience into a book, a podcast, and a mission to help other caregivers trade guilt for grace.
Jeanette Yates became a caregiver before she was old enough to understand what that word meant. As a child, she took on the job of keeping her mom alive, an outsized responsibility that shaped how she sees the world to this day.
More than forty years later, Jeanette has turned that lifelong journey into From Guilt to Good Enough, a book and podcast helping caregivers let go of impossible standards and find a version of caregiving they can actually sustain.
You became a caregiver as a child. Looking back now, what did that experience teach you about responsibility at such a young age?
Unfortunately, it taught me a lot of responsibility that shouldn't have been mine. I did not understand everything that was going on, and so I thought it was my job to make sure my mom stayed alive. That was a heavy burden, and it left me scared and insecure.
Of course, on a positive note, I did learn a lot about what it means to work through hardships and advocate for people who cannot advocate for themselves.
Many caregivers believe they have to be perfect. Where do you think that belief comes from?
There is no standard definition of caregiving, so as things keep getting added to the list, we just take it on, without assessing whether or not it is possible or even appropriate for us or our loved one. Somewhere, we replace the idea of being a "good" caregiver with being a "perfect" one.
"Good enough means giving yourself enough grace to say you need help, you can't do it all, or even you can't do it anymore."
Jeanette Yates
Your book is called From Guilt to Good Enough. What does "good enough" caregiving really look like?
Good enough means doing what you can, understanding that your capacity is not infinite and that expectations are often unrealistic. Good enough means giving yourself enough grace to say you need help, you can't do it all, or even you can't do it anymore.
After more than four decades of caring for your mom, what surprised you most about yourself?
That I could handle the pressure of crisis situations. In my everyday life, I get stressed out about traffic, but put me in an ER in the middle of the night? I can handle it.
caregivers nationally have been providing care for five years or more, and nearly 1 in 4 report giving 40+ hours of care a week — a pace Jeanette knows well after more than four decades.
You often talk about boundaries. Why are they one of the hardest things for family caregivers to create?
Boundaries are hardest to create when family members think it is the other person's job to respect their boundaries. It's not. Boundaries are about what you will or will not do, and it is not up to anyone else to uphold them but you.
What are some warning signs that a caregiver is approaching burnout before they even realize it?
Relentless fatigue, crankiness or a short temper, and a lack of interest in things you used to care about.
You've shifted into educating caregivers about care technology. What mistakes do families make when choosing technology for a loved one?
I tend to see either families that adopt every new technology but don't know how to use it, or families who are so intimidated by technology that they don't want to try anything new.
Is there one piece of technology you believe every family caregiver should understand or consider?
The best technology is the one that actually solves a problem you are having, and that you will actually use. There is no one perfect technology.
At EnhDme, we help families find products that make caregiving safer and easier. What home care equipment or daily living aids have made the biggest difference in your own caregiving journey?
For my mother, her hospital bed and her bathroom and shower setup were the key to keeping her home as long as possible. We were able to turn to our Medicare/Medicaid plan and our Local Area Agency on Aging for help finding the proper resources and training on how to use them.
If you could sit beside a brand-new family caregiver on their first day, what would you want them to know before the journey begins?
Whatever you can do for your loved one is enough. There will always be more things to do, but that doesn't mean you have to do them. Advocate for yourself and your loved one when speaking to doctors and hospital personnel. Don't be intimidated. You are the expert of you and your family. Your voice matters.
"You are the expert of you and your family. Your voice matters."
Jeanette Yates
Jeanette Yates became a family caregiver as a child and has spent more than four decades caring for her mom. She's the author of From Guilt to Good Enough and hosts the podcast From Guilt to Good, where she helps caregivers move past impossible standards toward sustainable, self-compassionate care.
Jeanette now also educates families on choosing and using care technology, helping them find the tools that genuinely solve a problem rather than add to the noise.
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