The Rookie: Michael Conigliaro's Honest Story of Caring for His 92-Year-Old Mom

A Gen X man, a caregiving role nobody prepared him for, and the systems, grit, and vulnerability that are carrying him through.

By Kevin Lambing, CDME  |  EnhDme Caregiver Community

“I also think male caregivers are far less visible than people realize. A lot of men are quietly carrying this responsibility while still trying to function professionally and emotionally in every other part of life.”

— Michael Conigliaro, Chronicles of a Rookie Caregiver

There is a caregiver in America who rarely makes it onto the poster. He doesn't show up in the stock photos. He doesn't often join the support groups or post about the hard days on social media. He just shows up — quietly, consistently, and without much fanfare — and does what needs to be done.

He is the male family caregiver. And he is far more common than the conversation around caregiving would have you believe.

Of the more than 50 million family caregivers in the United States today, roughly 40 percent are men. That is tens of millions of sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers who are managing medications, coordinating appointments, monitoring cognitive decline, and doing the quiet, unglamorous, deeply human work of keeping someone they love safe — while the world largely assumes caregiving is something women do.

We need to change that. We need to tell these stories.

This Heart of the Home feature is for every man who has ever sat in a hospital waiting room alone, googled symptoms at 2 a.m., or held it together on the outside while quietly falling apart on the inside. This one is for you. And it starts with Michael.

Michael “Mikey” Conigliaro is a Gen X creator, brand strategist, and founder of The 2.0 Collective — a lifestyle and personal growth platform built around reinvention, resilience, and intentional living. Based in Long Beach, California, Michael spent decades building a career in C-level leadership roles across luxury retail and fitness. He knows operations. He knows systems. He knows how to manage complexity at scale.

None of that prepared him for becoming a caregiver.

He is the creator of Chronicles of a Rookie Caregiver, an honest, unfiltered platform documenting his firsthand experience caring for his 92-year-old mother while balancing career, relationships, health, and entrepreneurship. What started as personal storytelling has grown into a community for caregivers who are tired of feeling alone in this — and ready for the real conversation.

You’ve spoken honestly about how caregiving often starts quietly instead of through one dramatic moment. When did you finally realize, “I’m not just helping my mom anymore — I’m a caregiver now”?

“Back in July of 2025, I made a social media post about something that, at the time, felt oddly specific but frustratingly real — trying to get my mom to take a shower. I had been noticing little changes here and there for a while. Small things. Repetition. Confusion. Resistance to routines. But like a lot of adult children, I think I was rationalizing it or minimizing it because you don’t want to believe your parents are declining.

Then one day everything escalated very quickly. My mom started calling me acting extremely erratic, paranoid, and emotional. She was saying strange things, almost like she was saying goodbye. It was alarming enough that I took her to the hospital.

What’s interesting is that after I posted online about what was happening, several people commented and asked if she had been checked for a UTI. I honestly didn’t even realize a UTI in elderly people could cause severe confusion or behavioral changes. I specifically asked the doctors to test for it, and sure enough, that’s exactly what it was.

That hospital stay changed everything.

Up until then, I thought I was ‘helping my mom.’ After that, I realized I had stepped into the role of caregiver. Suddenly I was managing medications, hydration, routines, meals, hygiene, appointments, cognition, safety — all while still trying to maintain my own life and career.

That was the moment where the shift became real for me.”

As a Gen X male caregiver, do you feel there are different expectations placed on men when it comes to caregiving, emotions, and asking for help?

“Absolutely. I think men are often conditioned to solve problems quietly, stay composed, and push through things without showing vulnerability. There’s less permission culturally for men to openly talk about fear, exhaustion, grief, or emotional overwhelm — especially in caregiving.

In my situation, I also come from a very male-dominated family dynamic. I have two older brothers, and most of the family influence around me has been male. There weren’t a lot of female influences modeling caregiving, emotional support, or nurturing behavior. So when you suddenly become responsible for caring for your aging mother, there’s a steep emotional and psychological learning curve.

You’re dealing with things most men were never taught how to navigate — hygiene care, emotional regulation, medical advocacy, monitoring cognitive decline, and balancing compassion with structure.

I also think male caregivers are far less visible than people realize. A lot of men are quietly carrying this responsibility while still trying to function professionally and emotionally in every other part of life.”

You created Rookie Chronicles to share the real side of caregiving. What pushed you to start speaking publicly about such a personal and emotional journey?

“It actually started very organically. I was already sharing different parts of my life online, and caregiving simply became part of what I was going through in real time.

As I started posting honestly about what was happening with my mom, other caregivers began chiming in. People gave advice, encouragement, support, and practical information that genuinely helped me. In many ways, I learned an incredible amount from strangers online who had already been through this journey themselves.

That’s what pushed me to keep sharing. I want people to understand this is something you have to prepare for early. You cannot ignore it, minimize it, or bury your head in the sand hoping it will somehow resolve itself. Caregiving eventually forces difficult realities to the surface, and people need better emotional and practical preparation from the beginning.”

Many caregivers talk about physical exhaustion, but not enough people talk about the mental load. What has been the hardest emotional adjustment for you while caring for your 92-year-old mother?

“The mental load is relentless because your brain never fully shuts off. Even when you’re not physically there, you’re thinking: Did she eat? Did she drink enough water? Is she confused today? Did she take her medication? Is she safe?

But for me personally, there’s also another complicated emotional layer to it.

As with many Gen X people, my parents were not especially emotionally present growing up. They did the best they could with what they had, and I’m not saying they were bad parents. But emotionally, there wasn’t a lot of support, nurturing, or guidance. I had to learn many things on my own and become independent very early.

So now there’s a psychological adjustment that comes with becoming the caregiver for someone who was never fully able to be that emotional caregiver for you.

That can create resentment, grief, confusion, and guilt all at the same time. And I think people need permission to speak honestly about those emotions because they’re real.

Another hard truth I’ve learned is that caregiving doesn’t get easier — the fact is it only gets harder. Needs increase. Responsibility increases. Emotional pressure increases.”

Caregiving changes family dynamics fast. How has your relationship with your mom evolved since stepping into this role?

“It’s changed completely. In many ways, our roles reversed. I became the organizer, the protector, the one creating structure and stability.

But interestingly, it also brought a level of compassion that probably wouldn’t have existed otherwise. You see the person differently when you’re helping them through vulnerable moments. There’s more patience, more understanding, and honestly more tenderness.

At the same time, caregiving forces difficult realities into the open. You have to make decisions and have conversations that adult children are rarely emotionally prepared for.”

You’ve talked about guilt, burnout, and feeling overwhelmed. What are some moments where you personally felt stretched beyond your limits, and how did you push through?

“There were moments where I felt like I was juggling everything poorly at once — work stress, caregiving, my own health, financial concerns, home issues, emotional exhaustion — and still trying to appear functional on the outside.

One of the hardest things is that caregiving doesn’t pause because you’re overwhelmed. The next meal still has to be made. The medications still need to be monitored. The phone still rings.

What pushes me through is realizing I cannot operate emotionally minute to minute anymore. I have been in operations and management my whole career, and I started treating my caregiving role as such and began to build systems, routines, and structure. That became survival.

And honestly, humor helps too. I find the small things that make me laugh. Sometimes caregivers laugh because it’s the only thing keeping them from breaking down.”

A lot of adult children are trying to balance caregiving with work, finances, relationships, and their own health. What sacrifices have you had to make that people on the outside probably never see?

“I’ve actually been fortunate in some ways. Both of my parents are still alive and in their 90s. My father lives in Florida, so there’s only so much I can realistically do from across the country. My mom lives close to me, and thankfully she’s still somewhat independent.

Right now, she still cooks, self-initiates certain routines, and can function with light direction and structure. I typically check on her once or twice a day, monitor things closely, and help maintain consistency so she can remain safe in her home.

I think what people on the outside don’t always see is the constant anticipation caregivers live with. Even when things are stable, there’s this underlying awareness that you may be one phone call, one fall, one illness, or one hospital visit away from everything changing overnight.

So while I’m grateful my mom still has independence, caregiving still consumes a huge amount of mental and emotional bandwidth behind the scenes.”

There are many caregivers silently struggling right now who feel isolated or unprepared. What do you think society still misunderstands most about family caregivers?

“I think society dramatically underestimates how much unpaid caregivers are holding together behind the scenes. There are different levels of caregiver. For me I provide routines, support and direction, but there are many caregivers that are dealing with a much more challenging situation like memory care or individuals that are not able to eat, bathe or go to the bathroom by themselves. That is physically and mentally exhausting.

People assume caregiving is mostly helping with tasks, but it’s really emotional management, medical observation, logistics, crisis prevention, advocacy, scheduling, and constant decision-making.

And most family caregivers are learning in real time with zero training. I also think people misunderstand how isolating it can become. Your world slowly gets smaller because your responsibilities get bigger.”

Looking back, what systems, resources, or practical advice do you wish someone had handed you at the very beginning of your caregiving journey?

“The biggest thing is this: families need to start having conversations early.

If you have siblings and aging parents, everybody needs to sit down and discuss who is going to be responsible for what. It cannot automatically fall onto one person. That’s not fair, and it’s not sustainable.

You also need a real plan: a hospital plan, a long-term care plan, financial planning, legal planning, making sure Medicare and Medi-Cal are properly set up, and understanding timelines and future possibilities before decisions become urgent.

Too many families avoid these discussions because they’re uncomfortable. People bury their heads in the sand and hope things somehow work themselves out.

I learned the hard way that avoiding the conversation only makes everything harder later. Caregiving requires planning long before you think you need it.”

“Caregiving requires planning long before you think you need it.”

— Michael Conigliaro

To every man reading this who is quietly doing this work — managing the medications, showing up on the hard days, holding it together when everything in you wants to fall apart — you are not invisible here. You are seen. You are not alone. And what you are doing matters more than you will ever fully know.

Heart of the Home — EnhDme Caregiver Community Series

Honoring the family caregivers who give everything, every day.